Yesterday morning I ran a bunch of errands that I had been putting off for various periods of time. This included- booking my lawn mower for repairs (several days), dropping off some old clothes to good will (several months) and booking a mini bulldozer to move some mulch (several years), amongst a few other things.
After a mix of procrastinating, delays and simply forgetting I finally had all these things done in just over two hours. As I completed each errand I felt something lift within me. As I cleared my “list” I felt that I was also clearer.
I no longer had to look at that bag of clothes when I walked past my spare room and think “oh I really have to make time to go take them.” I won’t think about that pile of mulch and how I really want to finally deal with it. I’ll be able to get out in the sunshine and mow my lawns!
It’s the similar feeling I get when I don’t write and I begin to feel that ache to do so. Or even to just set a date for a radio show. Then when I get things moving, or actually planned, I feel a rush of energy flow come in to support that.
I used to be an expert at procrastinating. I was that kid who left school assignments until the night before they were due. I would put off phone calls until they were a necessity. It always seemed there was a good reason to wait. Then I would have to deal with things in panic and drama.
I could say those days are long gone, but I can still find ways to delay or distract me. It was very easy to close the door of the spare room and not look at those clothes waiting to be driven to good will. The weather and travel made it quite excusable to avoid moving that mulch.
But let’s be honest, avoiding those things is the epitome of first world problems. What I really felt yesterday was an energy shift that becomes available to us and our consciousness.
As I cleared my list I felt freedom. I freed myself from the weight of “thinking” about my errands. I freed myself from the planning, the execution and the worry of them. Suddenly there was space in my life, both physically and energetically, to do other things or have new things take their place.
It became a wonderful analogy for how I can free my consciousness.
As I act on my expression, as I actively participate in life, as I listen to soul and dive into my trust and self love, then I free myself.
I am no longer wondering what it would be like to be enlightened. I don’t have to “work” on my integration. There is nothing to search for.
And that frees up a hell of a lot of energy to live and experience life, and more importantly to create with.
So why do we love to “not be done just quite yet”? Well for a start it keeps us feeling full. You know that feeling; I’ll read another channel, do another workshop, enter into a discussion to dissect whatever I am aware of this week. We remain energetically busy and have a sense of purpose.
It gives us the anticipation of something to come. If suddenly we were complete and done, then what?
The answer to that is “whatever you want and choose!” but that can be scary. If we stay in the same holding pattern, then we have a security of always knowing what tomorrow will look, feel and smell like.
Sure this is a great protective mechanism. We designed it to stay safe, even when that safety is limiting and unsatisfying.
Every now and then we see someone undo their harness and do away with the safety net. We watch them soar and we admire their bravery. They are living the truth of all those Facebook memes that we share and pray one day will be part of our life.
Inside you a voice, or voices, will say a range of things from “one day that will be me” through to “I’ll keep searching and find my key to be free like that” or even “I’ll never get there!”
You see there’s the kicker; we programmed the safety net and harness and to keep them in place we also programmed the voices within to remind us that we depend on them. We have made it seem unnatural to be free when in truth that is how we were created.
Freedom is our very essence, yet our experience has buried it.
You know that. I know you know that. It almost seems crazy I have to tell you. Yet here I am writing this to integrate my own freedom and share it with others in the hope they are doing the same.
Kuthumi says that moment he simply accepted his enlightenment and embraced the soul love and self love he was born of, then he knew freedom. He says it was and is simple. Our minds keep it complex. Mass consciousness makes it seem difficult.
So we put it off. We wait. We hope. We breathe.
This keeps us busy and makes our consciousness seem full.
But much like my list of errands, I can procrastinate and delay my enlightenment. I can create great stories to stay in victim and avoid being creative. I can ignore soul and not trust her to support me. I can keep listening to those voices that want to judge me and keep me from my self love.
Or I can get up one morning and simply say that is all done.
Then instead of the struggle and the search I can play with life in ease and grace, in the embrace of my soul and her infinite love.
That life is free and exciting. There are no doubts or fears.
That is the love I was born of.
That is the life I now choose.
*I was going to write this yesterday but got distracted by the semi-final of Masterchef.