“India is a land that lives in many centuries, and all at the same time.”
This was part of the opening speech at the latest Jaipur Literature Festival that I was blessed to attend and when I heard these words I could not help but agree. In one sentence it summed up all I love about India.
In one day you can see a young girl in modern dress taking a selfie on the latest smart phone while barely kilometres away a woman in a traditional sari will be carrying firewood home to cook her family meal. Solar panels and windmills are being erected while farmers still use oxen to pull ploughs and turn wheels to pump water. There are centuries old forts that are living communities alongside glossy new luxury hotels that house tourists from all over the globe. Even in the busy city of Jaipur you will see a new Mercedes sharing the road with a cart pulled by a camel.
There seems to be endless facets of life here that continually reveal themselves and they all blend together into a rich tapestry that can either confound you with its complexity or charm you with its beauty. I know that I chose to see India as the latter. It was how I fell in love with this land and continue to embrace and be embraced by her heart and soul.
It was in choosing the latter that I have opened so much of myself and as I heard that one line during that speech that I smiled as I became aware of so much more.
Within myself are many lifetimes and they all live at the same time.
Now I know you are thinking that I am talking past lives (and future because screw linearity) but we all live many lives within this experience too. I live the life of a writer, the life of a traveller, a daughter, an employee and the list goes on.
It is more than just our roles as well. We are still the eight year old seeking approval. The seventeen year old mending a broken heart. The twenty five year old out to travel and create adventure.
As we become aware of all these aspects we can become overwhelmed at how many parts of ourselves there are. We created many in reaction to experience; to make us wiser as we move on or to protect ourselves from the hurt or harm we have experienced so that we don’t repeat what was.
We are so creative and adept at creating these parts of ourselves that we forget they are not the core or truth of who we are, and soon they can take control of how we create. Our decisions and choices can be made by the nine year old who saw their parents fight and so relationships get shut out of our lives for example.
It can get easy to want to analyse where in our lives an aspect is running the show. We all love a good story! It can be quite entertaining to make a past life responsible for a failed marriage, the lack of success in business or why we would want to travel to a foreign land.
Indeed these stories may well be valid and have merit; but they are just stories.
It can seem so simple to say ‘just let go of your stories’ but it really can be. When I strip back my stories and remember that I am a creator, well then I remember I write my story, not some past experience whether it be of this linear time era or not.
In recent years as I chose to be a soul creator I am getting better at knowing when an aspect is writing my story. The energies don’t flow, I don’t feel connected to my body and there isn’t that true deep sense of joy in what I am creating. I am usually in a state of reaction rather than in ease and grace.
Now this does not mean that I don’t value or honour these parts of me either. I created these aspects to serve my story and to dive into experience. Even the ones that seem to sabotage or hold me back, I created them with the purpose to protect and support me.
It is no wonder that as I awaken my soul love and creativity that they might want to stop my enlightenment with this energy of protection by keeping me “small”. They were created in love and in this love they act out with absolute commitment to the energy in which they were created. We have been so amazing in birthing them and creating contracts with them that even when I truly feel complete with them they will want to keep expressing. You know, just to make sure that I am sure that they can now rest.
By the way, this energy serves our victimhood so well. “Oh I want to write/dance/sing/be happy but an aspect is blocking me!”
Aspects- the scapegoats of the new energy life!
So how do I make sure they know I am sure of how I wish to live now…and take back responsibility for my life?
Kuthumi gave me the most wonderful analogy. I imagine I am the conductor of an orchestra. Every musician and instrument is essential to the symphony that will be played. Each musician and instrument is an aspect that I have created. They are all wonderful and essential to my experience.
The violin does not lead the way. The drums should not be so loud to block the sound of the trumpets.
When you see an orchestra, there is that moment before the performance when the musicians take their place. They may talk amongst themselves as they get ready. Some begin to play slightly to warm up and there is a mish mash of odds sounds.
When the conductor takes to their podium though they all become silent. They all turn to the conductor with absolute focus and wait for direction. The conductor lifts the baton and as the baton moves through the air a glorious symphony is created.
This is how I see my choice to live with soul. When I choose to create soul, then all my aspects have a rich foundation for their expression. My baton is my conscious breath and each time I return to that breath I remind all parts of me how I am now creating.
Each aspect knows it is revered and loved. It also knows that it is part of my creative symphony. Sometimes I do want one aspect to be a bit “louder” but it comes from a very different place when I am doing this consciously.
This is not just about balancing what is already within me. When I am choosing soul to be the conductor then I can also create new aspects, but with a rich, solid foundation of soul awareness and pure creativity.
The best example I can give you is probably with my writing but the one I would love to share is when I decided to bake. I was watching a lot of cooking shows during one time of my life and I was particularly fascinated with the ones to do with cake and sweet baking. I really wanted to be able to bake like that but I had a story going on that “I couldn’t bake.”
I had tried to in the past and was abysmal. So that supported the story perfectly. But deep inside there was this urge to try anyway… and those shows make it look so easy….and I really like cakes so I wanted to make my own. It would also support my other new aspect “I like to post photos of food on social media” and you have to love when your new soul based aspects can support each other!
So I began. I started easy with packet mixes. Then tried online recipes. Then bought cookbooks. I tried everything and anything. I tweaked recipes. I learnt which shelf a cake bakes best on. I can now tell when a cake is ready by gently touching the top. I just played and then suddenly “I CAN bake” became a natural part of me that I love to play with in so much joy.
For so long we have believed enlightenment and integration are end points. That they are the reward for all our spiritual work. We would all love that one day a golden light will shine on us and say “you are done!”.
Yes, I am done. I am done with battling these parts of me. I now embrace them with love. I can give them rest from their work protecting me and let them experience with me in love and joy. And they in turn can shift and change into a new creativity and dynamic with me that can evolve and expand as I dive into life.
I am many lives, living in one lifetime.
It can be complex and frustrating.
It can also be beautiful and rich.
I prefer the latter.